Why do people hurt me when I’m trying to do what’s right?
Why do people hurt me when I’m trying to do what’s right?
Author: Dr. Angela D. Thomas
There is a unique kind of pain that comes when you are trying to do what is right, and the people around you respond in ways that feel wrong.
You are growing. You are obeying God. You are trying to move differently. And yet, instead of support, you experience disappointment. Instead of loyalty, you experience distance. Instead of encouragement, you experience hurt.
That kind of pain can be confusing.
It can make you question what you are doing, who you are connected to, and even whether you are truly on the right path.
Questions Women Often Ask About This
Many women wrestle with questions like these:
• Why do people hurt me when I’m trying to do what’s right?
• Why does obedience sometimes lead to relational pain?
• How do I handle betrayal from people I trusted?
• Should I keep serving people who hurt me?
• How do I know if someone made a mistake or if they shouldn’t be in my life anymore?
These questions often arise when purpose and relationships collide in ways that feel unexpected.
In Short
Relational pain does not mean you are off track. In many cases, it is part of the weight that comes with purpose. However, not every situation should be handled the same way.
Discernment is required to understand what you are dealing with and how to respond.
What the Bible Says About This
During the final days leading up to the cross, Jesus experienced both betrayal and disloyalty from people who were close to Him.
Judas made a decision to betray Him. Peter, on the other hand, would deny Him out of fear. These were not the same, even though both involved failure.
At the Last Supper, knowing what was coming, Jesus still washed their feet.
He served them anyway.
Scripture shows that Jesus did not allow what they would do to change how He responded in that moment. At the same time, He did not treat every situation identically. He handled Judas and Peter differently based on what was actually happening in their hearts.
Let's Break This Down
One of the most important things to understand is that not all hurt is the same.
Jesus demonstrates two realities that we must learn to hold at the same time.
First, purpose does not protect you from relational pain. Betrayal and disloyalty can exist even in spaces where you are doing exactly what God called you to do. This is part of the weight that comes with walking in purpose.
Second, discernment determines how you respond.
Judas had already made a decision. His heart had turned. Jesus recognized this and released him to what he had chosen to do.
Peter, however, had not turned away in the same way. He would fail, but his heart was still connected. Jesus responded differently. He prayed for him. He spoke to his future. He expected his return.
This distinction matters.
Sometimes people hurt you because they are operating from a place that is no longer aligned with where you are going. Other times, people hurt you because they are still growing, still learning, and still navigating their own weaknesses.
Without discernment, it is easy to respond incorrectly.
You may hold on to someone who needs to be released. Or you may release someone who needs to be restored.
Jesus shows us that both love and discernment are necessary.
He still served them, but He did not ignore what was true.
What this Means for Your Life
If you are experiencing relational pain while trying to do what is right, it is important to shift how you interpret what is happening.
This is not always a sign that something is wrong with your path. It may be a sign that you are walking in purpose, and that purpose carries weight.
At the same time, you are not called to respond blindly.
You are called to seek discernment.
Ask yourself what is actually happening in the situation. Is this a person who is struggling but still aligned with truth? Or is this someone who has made decisions that are moving in a different direction entirely?
There may be moments where you are called to continue loving, serving, and praying for someone as they grow.
There may also be moments where you are called to release someone, not out of anger, but out of clarity.
Both responses require maturity.
This is also an opportunity to reflect how Jesus responded. He did not allow hurt to harden Him. He did not allow betrayal to stop Him from fulfilling His assignment.
He stayed aligned with what God had called Him to do.
Not everyone in your life is assigned to stay. But how you respond will always matter.
Reflection Question
Is there a relationship in your life right now that requires discernment instead of reaction?
Continue with The Awesome 3 Series
This article is part of The Awesome 3 series, where we walk through what it really takes to live out God’s purpose by looking at the life of Jesus during the final days leading to the cross.
In this series, we explore three realities that shape every believer’s journey: understanding the assignment, enduring the wait and the weight, and following God’s instructions.
Previously:
Blog 1: Why Did Jesus Take His Time Before the Cross?
Blog 2: Why You Can’t Skip the Process God Is Taking You Through
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