Does Forgiveness Mean Letting Them Get Away With It?
Does Forgiveness Mean Letting Them Get Away With It?
Author: Dr. Angela D. Thomas
One of the biggest reasons forgiveness feels so hard is because it feels unfair. It feels like if you let it go, they get away with it. It feels like releasing them means what they did did not matter, and something in you refuses to agree with that.
That tension is real, and it is valid. You are not struggling because you do not love God. You are struggling because you care about what is right. You want justice, accountability, and truth, and forgiveness can feel like it is working against all three.
But the problem is not your desire for justice. The problem is what you have been taught forgiveness means. If you believe forgiveness equals letting someone off the hook, then of course you will resist it. That belief will keep you stuck every single time.
Questions Women Often Ask About This
When forgiveness feels like a loss instead of a step forward, these questions usually come up:
If I forgive them, does that mean they do not have to face consequences?
Am I supposed to just act like nothing happened?
Why should I let it go when they are the one who was wrong?
Does forgiving someone mean they win and I lose?
What if they never take responsibility for what they did?
How do I forgive without feeling like I am betraying myself?
In Short
Forgiveness does not mean letting someone get away with what they did. It means you are no longer choosing to carry what they did. God still handles justice. You are just no longer holding the weight of it.
What the Bible Says About This
The Bible teaches that forgiveness is about releasing the debt, not removing accountability. In Matthew 18, Jesus tells the story of a servant who was forgiven a massive debt but refused to forgive someone else. The issue was not justice. The issue was the refusal to release.
Scripture also shows that consequences and forgiveness can exist at the same time. A person can be forgiven and still face the natural or legal outcomes of their actions. Forgiveness is a heart posture. Justice is still in Godâs hands.
Let's Break This Down
The reason this feels so difficult is because you are trying to do two jobs at once. You are trying to be the one who forgives and the one who makes sure justice is served. That is not your role.
Forgiveness is your assignment. Justice belongs to God.
When you hold onto unforgiveness, you are not protecting justice. You are carrying a weight you were never meant to carry. You are replaying what happened, holding it over them, and staying emotionally tied to the offense. That does not punish them. It keeps you bound.
This is exactly why the teaching makes it clear that forgiveness is not permission. It is not agreement. It is not saying what they did was okay. It is simply saying, âI am no longer going to hold this over your head.â
Look at the story of Eric. A man lost his wife and unborn child because of another driver. If anyone had a reason to hold onto anger, it was him. And yet, he chose to forgive and even asked the court for leniency for the driver.
That did not mean the situation did not matter. It did not mean there were no consequences. It meant he refused to let that moment destroy more lives, including his own.
That is the difference.
Unforgiveness keeps the offense alive in you. Forgiveness releases it so it stops controlling you.
Another important truth is that God never said people get away with sin. He said vengeance is His. That means nothing goes unaccounted for. It just means you are not the one responsible for settling it.
When you try to hold onto unforgiveness in the name of justice, what you are really doing is stepping into a role that was never yours. And it will exhaust you every time.
What this Means for Your Life
This means you need to stop equating forgiveness with loss. You are not losing when you forgive. You are gaining freedom.
You also need to release the responsibility of making sure everything is made right. That is not your job. Your job is obedience. Godâs job is justice.
Another shift you need to make is recognizing what unforgiveness is costing you. It is not protecting you. It is draining you. It is keeping you connected to something God is trying to free you from.
What you can do differently starting now is practice release without needing resolution. You may never get an apology. You may never get acknowledgment. You may never get closure. But you can still get free.
And freedom is worth more than holding onto what they did.
Reflection Question
Where in your life are you holding onto unforgiveness because you feel like letting go would be letting them win?
Continue with Why You Mad Series
This article continues the Why You Mad series, where we confront the root of anger and uncover what is really keeping us stuck in unforgiveness.
In this series, we are breaking down false beliefs, shifting our understanding of forgiveness, and learning how to walk in freedom instead of carrying what God never asked us to hold onto.
Previously:
Blog 1: Why Forgiveness Feels So Hard (And Whatâs Really Getting in the Way)
Blog 2: What Forgiveness Really Means (And What It Doesnât)
This series is meant to help you move from confusion about forgiveness to clarity that leads to real freedom.
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